Admission
by DropsOfJupitter
Summary: She was ready. Ready to tell him. But now she's not so sure if she even wants to see him again - let alone tell him she loves him. Densi, please R&R.
1. Disappointment

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS LA unfortunately By the way italics are thoughts.**

**Xox**

Kensi smiled as she got every last detail right. The table in her living room was surrounded by pillows, which she planned to use as make shift seats, and the table was full of home made food, surprisingly, which Kensi made herself. Round the edges of the table, it was littered with soothing sensual candles, which made her apartment have a dim light. She stood up smoothing the creases out of her dark blue satin dress, and made sure her hair looked perfect. She tried to wipe the worry out of her brain, which was working on overdrive after she had decided she was going to tell Deeks about her feelings toward him. She took a deep breath and let it out to calm her nerves then glances at the clock on her phone _8:07pm. _He was meant to arrive at 8.

"_Don't worry Kensi_." She scolded herself.

"_He's only 7 minutes late, probably had to drop Monty off at a friends or something, yeah that's probably why_." Kensi reassured herself.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting on her couch, definitely long enough for the food to go cold and the candles to go out. She sighed and finally got up, carrying the plates full of cold pasta and cheese bread into the kitchen, then scraping them into the silver bin located in the corner. Kensi looked up at the clock once again _10:49pm _it read. She had been sat waiting, hoping that Deeks would turn up for 3 hours. She felt her heart contract, realizing he had obviously forgotten about her, which hurt her more than anything. All she wanted was for him to realize. Realize she was there, had always been there. Kensi took another deep breath and refrained from throwing the plate at the wall out of frustration, instead she placed it on the counter, went back into the living room to clean up all the pillows and candles cluttered around the sofa and table. She then headed to her bedroom, and attempt to get at least 4 hours of sleep.

**Xox**

Kensi woke with a start. Her breathing was labored and her forehead covered in sweat and stray pieces of her dark, curly hair. Once realizing where she was, her breathing calmed down and she lay back to rest her head on her pillows. That damn dream again. It was the same dream she had been getting at least once a week, if not more, since that whole thing with Petrov. The scenes from her dream kept on replaying in her mind, the scenes of Deeks in that metal head brace, that monster making him screaming in agony. Yet Kensi hadn't been there when it actually happened, but she had been told what had happened and she couldn't stop herself from imagining the pain he must have been in. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to wipe her mind of any trace of those sickening images that were playing like a movie on repeat through her brain. Even though she still was pissed and hurt at Deeks for not turning up, it still pained her a lot to see him in agony. She let out one last deep breath, turned on her side, relishing the coldness the un used pillow gave and attempted to get back to sleep.

**Xox**

As Kensi made her way into the bull pen the next morning, she bit back the urge to yawn yet again. She had gotten around 2 hours sleep at best, and you could tell. Her hair was a complete mess, and she wasn't even sure if she had buttoned her shirt up correctly. She trudged in and threw her stuff next to her oak desk, then slumped down in her chair. Ten minutes later, one by one the rest of the team entered the bullpen, except from Deeks. At last, 30 minutes late Deeks cockily strolled into the bullpen, wearing his signature blue jeans, white t-shirt and leather jacket. He went over to his desk, still keeping the same confident grin on his face.

"So why are you all happy, its Monday, no one should be happy on a Monday." Sam inquired, not looking up from his computer.

"Just had a good night, that's all." Deeks replied, the grin still not leaving his face. Kensi felt her heart contract, another hot blonde, and another bar.

'_Does he even care about me?_' She thought to herself, cause he sure wasn't acting like he gave even a little damn.

The bullpen returned to silence after a while, the odd employee strolling past to use the copier or get coffee from the break room. Everyone was looking at their own computer, doing their own work. Deeks still hadn't noticed Kensi was her, which made the hurt in her heart a little more stronger.

'_I can't believe I was going to tell him I loved him_.' Kensi sighed. She blinked a couple of times, willing her eyes to focus on the blurred words on the computer screen, damn she should of taken those sleeping pills last night. Kensi's eyes still wouldn't focus on her screen, at least it's just cold cases today, she reminded herself. But then there was Deeks. Battling him whilst on the verge of collapsing wasn't the best thing to do. She sighed then stood up.

"I'm going out for a bit, I'll be back in a couple of hours." She spoke to no one in particular. Deeks finally looked up and realized Kensi was actually there. His eyes widened at the sight, deep purple bags under her eyes, her chocolate eyes themselves, about to close at any minute, she looked like hell. She picked up her stuff and walked out of the bullpen, when Deeks snapped back into reality and ran after her.

"KENSI, WAIT!" Deeks shouted after her hoping to get her to stop. She continued walking at the same pace until he reached her, grabbed her arm and spun her around. Forcing her to look him in the eyes for a split second, she then tore her eyes away and stared at the pale cream wall.

"What do you want Officer Deeks?" Kensi growled, clearly not in the mood to be talked to, especially by him.

"Jeez, what's gotten into you today" He replied back. She flung her arm from his grip and started striding back toward the exit. Deeks once again took off after her down the stone floored corridor. He reached just before she could open the glass door to the parking lot.

"Kens, seriously what's wrong?" Deeks tried again, more concerned this time, his brown creased in worry. Kensi avoided his eyes, clearly not in the mood.

"LEAVE IT! Ok. Just drop it, it's obvious you don't care anyway, I can finally see that now." She spat, tears forming in her eyes. She then once again strode out of his reach and out of NCIS HQ. Deeks just stood there puzzled. What had he done? It hurt him deeply to think that Kensi thought he didn't care about her, which was a complete lie, she was the one person he cared about most in the whole world. He stared, upset at the doors she had just exited. Then Deeks pulled him self-together and went to locate her, to find out what the hell was making her act this way.

**Thanks for reading chapter 1! So please review/fav, I really appreciate them. Thanks again! **


	2. Time To Talk

**Thanks to everyone who favorited/followed/reviewed the last chapter. I know there were spelling errors in the last chapter, my tired brain missed, I promise ill look harder this time. so here it is chapter 2. Disclaimer: NCIS IS mine. Just joking, if it were mine Kensi and Deeks would live in a magical castle together. Sorry in advance, don't know what car Deeks drives.**

**Xox**

Deeks ran through the parking lot dodging all the people and cars headed his way. As he reached his silver BMW M3, he noticed Kensi's car, which was normally pared next to his, was missing – no surprises there. He jumped into his car, shoving the keys into the ignition, and putting into gear before zooming straight out of the parking lot, into the busy mid day L.A traffic. He listed the places in his mind as to where she could have gone. To her moms, definitely not. To a café, unlikely, but she probably went home, Deeks reminded himself of how tired and beat she looked back at the bullpen. So he took the first left at the junction, heading east toward her apartment downtown. It took him a good 20 minutes to get there, mostly because of a pile up that happened minutes earlier. He jumped out of his car, quickly looking around the mid town parking lot in search of Kensi's car. He spotted it parked in her normal space, close to the entrance of the apartment block. Deeks sprinted through to the main entrance, then straight up to apartment. He finally stopped at apartment 210, and stood outside Kensi's cream coloured door. He started pounding on it with his fists.

"KENS!" He shouted through the door, not caring if he was disturbing anyone.

"KENSI, OPEN UP!" He tried again, to no avail. He sighed. He knew she wasn't letting him in any time soon, especially since he was the one she was angry with. Deeks made a snap decision and reached for the plant pot to the left of the door, lifting up. Underneath was located Kensi's emergency key, taped to the bottom of the stone vase. He tore the silver key off and shoved it in the door, turning it until he heard the tale tell click, and pushed it open.

Deeks had been to her apartment a couple of times, for movie nights and dinner once or twice every couple of weeks; it was nicely decorated, very Kensi though. The walls were made out of cream bricks; sometimes they had a odd picture on, and a TV. In the middle there was a brown comfy looking couch with a glass table in front of it, littered with drinks.

As Deeks made his way through the apartment, he noticed that every single light was turned off, not a good sign. He made it to the bedroom door, unsure whether he should open it or not, but in the end he decided on the latter. The heavy cream door creaked open to reveal a large king size bed, cushions spread everywhere and a lump in the middle. He carefully walked over and sat on the side of the bed, watching Kensi's peaceful face, which was just peaking out the top the duvet. He let a breath out, relived to see his partner ok, at least by the looks of things. Kensi started to mumble and thrash in her sleep, letting out slight whimpers at times. Deeks didn't know what to do so he reached out and laced his hand within hers. As soon as he did that the thrashing and whimpering stopped and she stilled once more. He didn't know how long he sat there, but eventually Kensi's eyes started o flicker, finally she opened them fully, still tired and confused, until she remember she was still pissed at Deeks.

"WHAT, are you doing in my apartment?" Kensi almost screamed at him, movie away from his warmth.

"Kens, please I just wanted to come and talk, please don't shut me out." Deeks pleaded with her.

"No Deeks, no. You can't do this. You can't just insist I let you in, when you're the reason I've got my walls up." Kensi whispered, finding the wall opposite her bed very interesting,

"I don't understand what your on about Kens! How am I supposed to talk to you about something I don't have a clue about!" Deeks sighed, exasperatedly.

"And know I understand that it was a mistake." Kensi whispered, almost to herself.

"Kens… Please just tell me what I did." Deeks whispered again, rubbing his hand over his face. Kensi pulled the duvet more around her, pulling her knees up to her chest, still staring at the wall. Deeks leaned across, pulling her hand out and holding it for a second, before she quickly snatched it away.

"You know I don't think I can do this anymore. You being angry at me, me not knowing what I did this time, I just…" Deeks trailed off, leaning against the metal headboard.

"You forgot." Kensi stated simply.

"Forgot what?" Deeks pushed.

"We were meant… meant to have dinner last night and you forgot… I needed to talk to you… to…" Kensi trailed off again, realizing how pathetic she sounded. She turned her face fully round, staring out the window to try and hide her embarrassment.

"Kens, I'm sorry okay, it was just dinner we could re-arrange?" Deeks tried to insist.

"NO." Kensi shouted, finally turning around looking I his eyes with her watery chocolate ones.

"No Deeks. I can't keep on doing this." Kensi whispered breaking the eye contact once again.

"Why Kensi?" Deeks asked.

"I… I can't keep on going on and pretending that everything is okay, when it's not." She whispered, the tears finally pouring down her face.

"What Kens? What's up, I just don't understand…" Deeks whispered coming closer to her.

"That's my point. You don't understand, and I just can't do it…" She whispered again.

"Kens, please I am so sorry I missed dinner, it completely slipped my mind, really I'm so sorry. Kens… please just don't shut me out, not after everything…" Deeks pleaded with the stubborn woman.

"I… Deeks I was finally ready I… And you just completely left me hanging, please I can't do this,,," She whispered, trying to reason.

"Kensi, I've said I'm sorry ok! I had to do something, jeez it was just dinner!" Deeks said raising his voice, getting frustrated with her now,

"No Deeks! It wasn't just dinner! I was going to tell you!" Kensi shouted back getting defensive.

"TELL ME WHAT?" Deeks shouted, getting even more frustrated at her.

Kensi screamed back without thinking about the consequences of her next sentence.

"THAT I LOVE YOU!"

**xox**

**Ok so thanks for reading! I'm not too happy with this chapter I have to say, but I would still appreciate it if you reviewed, the more reviews the faster I will put up the next chapter!**

**Thanks**

**x**


	3. So Tired

**Hey! Thanks to everyone who reviewed/faved my story It means a lot! So here's chapter 3!**

**Xox**

They both just sat there in shock about what she had just admitted. Kensi's heart pounded in her chest, her stomach tightened in anxiousness shocked at her own revelation. She moved further to the end of the bed, scared of what Deeks' reply was going to be. But intact she needn't worry about his reply at all. Instead, he abruptly stood up and walked out of her bedroom and out of her apartment. As soon as she heard the click of the door she burst into hysterical sobs. Even though she didn't mean to tell him that way, she hoped that he would at least say something, anything. She clutched the duvet with both hands, tears pouring down her face, sobs escaping from her mouth. Not only did she just lose the man she loved, she lost her partner, and her best friend. Kensi sobbed until she had no more tears left, and had a throbbing headache from crying so much. She took a breath and tried to calm herself.

_"Did you actually think he'd pull you into his arms and tell you he loved you too?" _A voice in her head taunted.

_"You actually thought that you'd be together and everything would be perfect? How pathetic." _The voice carried on. She took in a sharp in take of breath. It was right. She was pathetic. She pulled herself together, putting up that wall she had oh so cleverly built up. She was now back to where she was years a go. No one could see her emotions, and she didn't let anyone see, or get even close enough to see her emotions either. She got out of bed and changed into her running clothes which consisted of Nike running shorts, a lime green t shirt and some Nike white running shoes. She didn't care if it was pouring outside; all she needed to do right then was to run. Run until she couldn't run any more. And with that Kensi sprinted out of her apartment, shoving her earphones in on the way and sprinting out of her apartment and into the still warm L.A rain.

**Xox**

On the other side of town Deeks sat on a rusty old swing set in a soaking park whilst the rain pelted down around him. Deeks knew running out on Kensi was the worst possible thing he could have been right then, but he didn't know what else to do. He'd been trying to let her go for 2 years now. He had accepted she didn't feel the same way and tried to let her go, let her find some other man for the past two years – which hadn't worked. Deeks was so overwhelmed by this; he just couldn't believe that he had spent 2 years trying not to love her, when he should have been doing the exact opposite instead.

_"Shit. Shit. Shit. What have I done?" _Deeks' mind screamed at him.

_"She had already been left by Jack and I promised myself I wouldn't be anything like him, yet I am. Running away like a coward." _His mind shouted. He _knew _he should go back to her, but by now she would've put up all of her walls and would never forgive him for doing such a horrendous thing.

_"I promised myself I wouldn't do the same thing as Jack, never run away from her. But here I am." _His mind scolded. Deeks knew being 'overwhelmed' by what she had said would be no excuse for her. She would've already but back up her walls, now 10 times higher than the last ones it took 2 years for him to break down. He let out a breath as the rain continued to pour down around him, forming puddles in the drenched grass. Deeks knew he had to fix things, but yet he knew there was the tiniest chance ever he could. He made his decision and got up.

**Xox**

It was gone 3am by the time Kensi got back from her run. She was drenched from head to toe, the bits of loose hair from her ponytail sticking to her face, and goose bumps covered her arms. Kensi wasn't feeling any better. She still had that ache in her heart, the scene of him leaving her still replaying in her mind. She exited the elevator, whilst fiddling with her armband, trying to get her key out of it. Whilst tugging on the fabric she wasn't watching where she was going and tripped over something just as she reached her door. She landed on her knees, with her hand supporting her on the floor in front of her. She turned around looking to see what had tripped her up. There sat Deeks who looked confused as to what had happened. Once she realized whom it was she quickly got up, and tried to shove the key in her door to get away from him.

"KENS! Wait, please!" Deeks pleaded loudly. Touching her shoulder, hoping to get her to turn around and face him. She flinched at the contact and carried on trying to open the door, failing because of how cold she was which was causing her hand to shake and not allow her to insert the key into the lock.

"Kens, please I'm so sorry I walked out, it was just too much all at once" Deeks tried to convince her. His face creased with worry because of how broken she looked.

"Please Kens, just listen!" Deeks said. Kensi snapped.

"ME LISTEN? WHERE WERE YOU DEEKS WHEN I NEEDED YOU TO LISTEN? HUH?" Kensi screamed at him, finally turning round.

"Kens I am so sorry, just let me expla-" Deeks began.

"No." She said quietly.

"I have had enough of you bull. I honestly can't do this anymore. I can't just be that girl you turn to when you don't have anyone else, I just can't be ok." She whispered, trying so hard not to let any tears fall.

"Kens…" Deeks voice broke when he realized how hurt she was.

"No. Ok. No. I'm so so tired of all this Deeks. I am never good enough am I?" Kensi asked brokenly, staring into his eyes, tears filling up her own.

"Of course you are Kens-" Deeks started to beg.

"I can't do this anymore." He was about to say something when Kensi finally opened the door, walking in and slamming it shut in his face. He leaned against the cream coloured door letting a deep breath out.

_Damn he really screwed up this time._

**Xox**

**Thanks for reading everyone! So please review, they make me update much faster. Anyway please tell me what you thought and leave any suggestions as to what you would like to happen, anything along those lines.**

**Bye!**

**x**


	4. I'll Never Leave You

**Hey! Sorry its so late, been distracted by the news of Cote De Pablo leaving NCIS, literally heartbreaking. Thanks to everyone who read my last chapter and faved and reviewed it, it means a lot. Here's chapter 4!**

**Xox**

Kensi let out a quit sob as the door shut behind her. She leant against her door; her eyes closed and tears streaming down her face. Kens felt slightly guilty for actions, because even through he just forgot about her, on the outside it did look like she was just overreacting and being a dramatic bitch. But Kensi was so tried of it all. So tired of being second best, if that. Tired of Deeks forgetting about her, not caring about her, it was all too much. All she wanted was something permanent, something that couldn't be taken away from her. Someone who would love her, stand by her and maybe actually put her first for once. She actually thought that was Deeks once upon a time, but now he had completely proved her wrong. Standing her up and completely forgetting about her, it was something she definitely didn't need, or wanted. Right now she just wanted to get into her car and drive until she was out of L.A and everything that reminded her of her feelings and emotions were out of sight too.

Kensi made her decision. She quickly headed into her bedroom, grabbing her suitcase from underneath her bed, and shoving various items of clothing into it, as well as toiletries and several different pairs of shoes. Once all packed up, Kensi wheeled her suitcase to the door, grabbed her keys and turned the handle to open her door. As she pulled the door open, a figure came crashing into her apartment with it. Once realizing whom it was she quickly exited her apartment, Deeks following her, she locked up and headed for the elevator.

"Kensi, please wait, can we just talk?" Deeks pleaded with her. Kensi just blanked him, pressing the button and waiting for the elevator to arrive.

"Wait, where are you going?" Deeks asked, confused after seeing her suitcase.

"Please don't ignore me Kens…" Deeks tried again. Kensi kept on ignoring him, getting on the elevator as Deeks followed.

"Kensi, I care about you so much, more than I probably should do as a partner…" Deeks tried to explain, touching her shoulder trying to get her to turn around and face him.

"I know I owe you an explanation as to why I forgot about you, and if you actually talked to me I would explain, Kens" Deeks sighed. The elevator dinged to show its arrival, as Kensi exited walking toward her car, as Deeks followed yet again.

"God Kensi, I love you so much and if you would give me a moment to exp-" Deeks cut off as he realized what he had just said. Kensi seemed to realize as well and was frozen a couple of meters in front of him.

"No. No, you cant just say that now and think I'll just fall into your arms, no." Kensi hissed still not turning around to face him.

"I didn't mean it like that Kens, it just came out." Deeks tried to reason with her.

"So you didn't mean it then?" She asked, quieter this time.

"Of course I meant it!" Deeks pleaded with her to listen.

"You know Deeks I was going to tell you the exact same when we were supposed to have dinner… but now I really don't want to feel his way…" Kensi sighed finally turning around, but still not making eye contact, instead staring at the concrete flooring.

"Why Kens?" Deeks asked.

"Because I can't bear to be with someone who doesn't actually care, forgets me, I've had enough of that in my life already." Kensi whispered.

"I was with Hetty. Signing the contract to become an official agent here, that's where I was Kens, and you have to believe me when I say I am so sorry for not remembering, and have to trust me when I say it will never, ever happen again, I promise." Deeks said, approaching her and taking her hand in his. Kensi nodded, not sure what to say next as she finally looked into her partners piercing blue eyes.

"Ok Deeks. I believe you." She whispered.

"Where does this leave us then?" Deeks asked hesitantly.

"Er… honestly I don't know." Kensi asked truthfully.

"We could see where our thing takes us, I guess?" Deeks questioned carefully.

"Yeah… Yeah I suppose we could do that." Kensi smiled up at him for the first time in days. Deeks pulled her into his, wrapping his arms around her waist, as she dropped the suitcase and wrapped her arms around his neck. Deeks put his mouth next to her ear and whispered the words she had been dying to hear for months.

"I love you so much Fern, I'll never leave you, promise."

**Xox**

**So I want to know how long you guys want this story to be, so give me an answer to how many chapters you want! Thanks for reading and don't forget to review on your way out, it makes me update faster!**

**X**


	5. Together At Last

**Wow! So thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter, it meant a lot. Sorry it's so late been busy with coursework and everything. So here is chapter 5.**

**Xox**

The pair stood wrapped within the others embrace for so long they didn't notice a car coming slowly around the corner and blaring the horn at them to get out the way. The couple jumped in the surprise and quickly moved out of he way of the car. They looked up into one another's eyes and smiled, Kensi's cheeks getting a hint of red in them after the car incident. Deeks took Kensi's hand, with the other picked up her suitcase and headed back to her apartment, neither one of them saying a word, just enjoying the atmosphere they had.

When they arrived back at her apartment, Kensi quietly put her suitcase back inside her wardrobe, a silent promise to Deeks she wasn't going anywhere. They both met back at the couch with a soft smile toward one another. They stood there for a few moments just taking in each other when Deeks broke the silence.

"You wanna watch a movie then princess?" He asked gently with a cheeky smile plastered on his face. Kensi's lips twitched as a grin formed on her face.

"Sure, why not?" She replied, whilst sitting down in the middle of the sofa, leaving Deeks standing.

"What you wanna watch then?" He enquired, bending down to look through her medium size collection of DVD's.

"Hmmmm…" Kensi contemplated whilst enjoying the view Deeks was displaying. He turned his head around, still bent down and a giant smile formed on his face.

"Enjoying the view are we Fern?" He chuckled, turning his head round again, looking through her DVD's.

"How about Leap Year? Good film actually…" He concluded whilst studying the green case.

"Marty Deeks, the Marty Deeks wants to watch a chick flick?" Kensi asked stunned by his choice.

"Fine if you don't wanna watch it…" Deeks began.

"No, no. I didn't say that, I was just mocking your knowledge of chick flicks actually…" Kensi grinned. Deeks grinned back, and inserted the DVD into the TV, taking his seat back on the sofa right next to Kensi. He threw his arm round the back of the sofa, as the tittle credits started, not really sure how far he should take their 'relationship.' But Kensi had other ideas. She took his hand, situated just above her shoulder, and brought it down so it was wrapped around her. She then proceeded to move her head to his chest, and buried her head under his chest, inhaling his enticing aroma. Deeks sighed, contented. This is what he had been wanting for the past 2 years. Him and her, together. He smiled to himself, happy and relaxed, as he settled his chin on top of Kensi's dark, curly locks, and proceeded to watch the film.

**Xox**

One hour and 40 minutes later Kensi was fully out of it. Her head still rested on Deeks' chest, her arm slung around his waist as little snores came out of her mouth. The film had just ended, as the credits started to play. Deeks looked down at his sleeping partner, girlfriend? He didn't know. He definitely hoped it was the second one, but he guessed it was up to Kensi to decide. He broke out of his thoughts, as he carefully stood up, gathering sleeping Kensi in his arms and heading silently toward her bedroom.

He deposited her on the bed, took off her shoes, tucked her in and kissed her forehead. She stirred a little, her eyes opening, before suddenly closing not used to the light given out by the bathroom. She rolled over and buried her face in the pillow as Deeks walked round to the other side of her bed, watching her sleeping face. He stroked her hair out of her face, leaned down kissed her cheek one more time and whispered in her ear.

"God I love you Kens…" He said silently but sweetly into her ear.

"Uhh hmmm…" She mumbled into the pillow, her brain not registering what he had just said.

Deeks left her to sleep, and proceeded to walk into the bathroom to take a shower. He leant against the counter in Kensi's bathroom. He could feel a slight headache coming on, so then knelt down to look for ibuprofen in the bathroom cupboard. With no luck, he stood back up, hoping that a hot shower would ease the pain in his head. He took his clothes off, putting them to one side in the bathroom and turned the shower on full blast.

The hot spray ran down his fine, muscled body, getting his sandy locks dripping wet and shaggy. He leant his face up to the spray, shutting his eyes as the water ran down his face. Deeks leant against the glass door for support as the banging in his head became all to clear and painful.

He was breathing healthily, in and out, in and out, as he failed to keep his eyes open. He quickly felt around for the handle Kensi's shower had on the wall, locating it he grasped it to keep himself upright, but instead the handle cam off all together. Deeks' body crashed to the ground, hitting his head on the tap on the way down, making his world incased with darkness.

**Xox**

Kensi woke up with a start. She heard a noise, but her senses were still drowsy from her sleep. She didn't remember going to bed last night, all she remembered was watching a movie with Deeks. That's how she must've gotten there, Deeks. Speaking of Deeks, she looked around her mostly dark bedroom, her eyes landed on the open crack to her bathroom pouring out light and the noise of the shower.

She walked up to the semi open door, unsure of whether the noise that woke her up came from in her bathroom.

"Deeks?" She called.

"Deeks you alright in there?" She asked more worried since he didn't answer her the first time. Kensi opened the door a bit more, and was met by a cloud of mist. She squinted her eyes, looking directly at the shower, which was displaying no signs of life. She walked up to it carefully and gasped at the contents.

"DEEKS!" She screamed.

Their lay Deeks, sprawled across the floor, his head bleeding and his eyes closed, as the shower continued to spray down around him. Kensi rushed over to his side, she quickly turned off the shower and pulled him out. She covered his waist with a towel, and used another one to stem the bleed on his head wound. She reached into her pockets and pulled out her phone, frantically dialing 999.

"Oh god Deeks, please be okay…" She whispered to his lifeless form.

**Xox**

**So I hoped you liked this chapter, really sorry it's so late! Please R&R they really mean a lot and inspire me to write more and quickly. Until next time!**

**x**


	6. Definitely Not Out Of The Woods

**Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter! BlueTigress: Sorry, I put 999 because I live in England and that's what we dial instead of 911. I usually change it so it has American references but forgot about that one. So here's chapter 6, I hope you all like it!**

**Xox**

Kensi kept the blood soaked rag tightly pressed against his head, as she heard the sound of sirens blaring in the distance. Deeks' eyes kept on flickering, he moaned as she pressed the towel tighter to his head, at least he was making noise, it had to be good news, right? Kensi heard the rapping on the door, the paramedics shouting their arrival.

"COME IN! HE'S IN HERE!" She shouted back frantically.

A man and a woman ran through the bathroom door, pushing Kensi out of the way to get to Deeks' side. Kensi stood, backed up to the counter watching the scene unfold in front of her, tears streaming down her tan face. The paramedics quickly tore the towel away from Deeks' head, replacing it with a rushed bandage. After that, they quickly put him on a stretcher and ran with him to the elevator, as Kensi followed.

"Ma'am are you coming with us?" The female paramedic asked Kensi. She couldn't form any words, or noise, so instead nodded her head madly at her in response.

When they got to the ambulance they quickly loaded him on, Kensi following and taking her seat next to him, and entwining her fingers with Deeks', as the ambulance sped off to the hospital.

**Xox**

Kensi paced back and forth inside the waiting room. As soon as they had arrived, they whisked Deeks off to surgery to stem the bleed in his brain. Kensi was on the verge of having a breakdown. After all they had been through in the past couple of weeks, they did not deserve this. Finally Kensi sat down on one of the hard plastic chairs, trying to control the tears streaming down her face, to no avail.

"_The team!"_ She remembered. They still did not know about what happened. Kensi pulled out her phone and dialed Hetty's number.

"Miss Blye? What can I do for you this late?" Hetty questioned.

"It'd Deeks Hetty… he's, he's been injured." Her voice cracked as she finished.

"Where are you?" She asked solemnly.

"Emergency room, Hetty I'm worried…" Kensi whispered.

"Alright Miss Blye, I will call the rest of the team and I'll be there shortly." Hetty finished and ended the call.

Kensi let out a breath, tucking her hair behind her ear, leg tapping on the floor in anxiousness. Kensi was waiting for another 30 minutes until the team arrived, they all hugged her, saying they couldn't believe that had happened. Ten minutes later, a women dressed in blue scrubs approached her. She looked like she was in her mid thirties, soft brown hair and green eyes.

"Are you here for Mr Deeks?" She enquired, capturing Kensi's, and the rest of the team's attention.

"Yes. Is he alright?" Her voice weak from crying asked.

"Mr Deeks is still currently in surgery. The cause of his loss of consciousness is at the moment unclear, but that is insignificant. When he fell, he hit his head, resulting in a subdural hemorrhage. This means that there is a bleed in his brain. The surgeons are working to relieve the pressure, but I'm afraid it doesn't look good at the moment, I'm sorry." The doctor said solemnly.

Kensi covered her face with her hands. Deeks. Her Deeks could die. How was she supposed to come to terms with that? The whole team were silent, taking in the news. No one ever saw this one coming. It was so unexpected, so sudden it was hard to except what had happened.

Kensi stumbled backwards into one of the chairs, elbows on her knees, as her hands still covered her face, sobbing silently. Nell came up next to her, tears streaming down her face, and put an arm around the sobbing Kensi to try and comfort the woman.

**Xox**

Kensi didn't know how long she was crying until another doctor came through to see the team.

"Mr Deeks is currently in his room now. He is ok, but he is still not out of the woods." The male doctor warned.

"You may go see him, in room 198, but one at a time please." He said then walked back down the dull corridor.

"You… you guys go see him first, I'll go last and stay with him… make sure he has someone with him." Kensi spoke up, he face still red and blotchy. The team nodded in reply, and one by one went to go see Deeks.

When it was finally Kensi's turn she glanced over to the clock on the way to Deeks' room. _3:47am_ it read. It was only 6 hours ago everything was perfect, and now it was the exact opposite. She carefully carried on walking until she reached room 198. She paused for a second, wiping the tears off her face and taking a deep breath, and then proceeded to walk in.

Surrounded by tubes and bandages lay a weak looking Deeks, with his eyes shut and the faint beeping of the heart monitor. Kensi made her way to the chair situated on the right of his bed and took a seat. She sat there for a while, taking in his presence, until she completely broke down in sobs again.

"Oh Deeks! I can't believe I laid there asleep whilst you were nearly dying on the shower floor!" She sobbed into the side of the bed. She took his hand within hers, kissing his knuckle.

"I promise I will never leave you." She whispered, choking on the last word. After she'd stopped crying, she laid her head on the side of his bed to try and sleep a little bit, her hand still firmly wrapped around his.

She was just about to go to sleep when his heart monitor started beating erratically. His limbs started to convulse, as Kensi jumped up in shock, she was about to cry for help until the heart monitor went completely flat, and the doctors ran in, a second too late.

**xox**

**Thanks for reading! So all the medical stuff here I looked up on Google, so please don't hate me if I got some of it wrong! So I would really appreciate some reviews, if you've got time**** Anyway, let me know if you want to turn it more drama and angust, or you want it to become happier, etc! Thanks for reading!**

**x**


	7. Reunion

**Hey guys! Thank you for all the amazing reviews on the last chapter, I will take them into account. I am so so sorry this is so late! I was going to post this chapter the day before I went on holiday, but the Wi-Fi broke! So then I was away for ages so couldn't post it! Sorry again! Anyway, here is chapter 7.**

**Xox**

The doctor ran into Deeks room, shouting orders at the nurses. The shoved a needle into his body, and then shocked him with the electrical currents the paddles provided. Kensi was stood, wobbling at the door, in fear for her partners health and well being – as well as her own. He couldn't just leave her like this, so sudden so unexpected. She shook her head rapidly to herself, this couldn't be happening.

"WE'VE GOT HIM BACK!" The doctor yelled. Kensi let out a breath and let her back slump against the door. She watched as they prepared to move his bed, Kensi looked confused and turned to the doctor.

"What's going on? Where are you taking him?" She asked frantically.

"Mr. Deeks flat lined because the bleed in his brain has spread, the surgeons did not get all of it so he needs to go back in to relieve the pressure again, he'll hopefully be back in a few hours" The doctor explained whilst lifting up the side bar on the bed. Kensi nodded, not sure what to say at that point and walked back over to the chair and sat down in it, as she watched them roll Deeks' bed out of his room. Kensi sighed. This was going to be a long few hours.

**Xox**

Kensi was woken from her fitful sleep as the doctors silently rolled Deeks' bed back in. She quickly stood up, grasping the un-used IV pole for support as the blood rushed to her head. As they fixed Deeks' bed back in place, and moved out of the way, Kensi let another relieved breath out as she saw Deeks' as he was before he flat lined. His mop of hair was messed up across him forehead, and the majority of his head were covered in white bandages. And his bright blue eyes were hidden under his closed eyelids.

"The surgeons have released the pressure again, successfully. Now its just up to Mr. Deeks when he will wake up/" The doctor informed Kensi who had made her way to the side of his bed, clutching his hand. Kensi nodded, showing she had understood what the doctor had said, then he walked out, leaving Kensi on her own with Deeks. She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles, over and over again, praying he would wake up.

She sat back down on the chair, inches from his bed, his hand still firmly grasped by her hand. Kensi leant over and placed her head next to their hands, her brown curly locks spread wildly over the crisp white sheets. She looked up at Deeks' face once more and whispered the words she had said only a couple of hours prior to all this drama.

"Deeks... I love you, please please wake up…" She sniffled and closed her eyes, trying to get even an hour sleep.

**Xox**

Kensi woke up 3 hours later to the sound of someone coughing uncontrollably. She sat up straight, startled by her surroundings and the noise that awoke her. Running her eyes over the room, she calmed down, remembering where she was. Her eyes quickly focused back on Deeks, his hacking coughs making her cringe. She quickly jumped to her feet, rushing to the head part of the bed rubbing Deeks' back as the doctor quickly gave him oxygen mask and some water. He took a giant gulp of water and shoved the oxygen mask on his face, calming his coughing fit immediately.

All the tension in the room melted immediately after Deeks stopped coughing. Kensi leaned her forehead onto the side of his face, breathing in deeply, closing her eyes. The doctor slowed down, filled in something on Deeks' notes and exited the room leaving Kensi and Deeks alone.

After Deeks breathing calmed down he took off his oxygen mask then wrapped his arm round Kensi's waist, bringing her to sit down along side him on the bed. Kensi removed her tear-streaked face and smiled at him, putting her face onto his shoulder.

"Hope you didn't miss me to much, Fern. Deeks whispered into her hair, planting a kiss on her brown curly locks. She smiled in response, placing one of her hands onto his chest, as she nuzzled he face in the crook of his neck inhaling his scent.

"Never do that to me again Deeks, I mean it." She told him seriously, sniffling in the process.

"Well I'll try to Fern, but you know I can't promise that." He replied just as seriously, kissing the top of her head once again. She sniffed again, closing her eyes and enjoying the warmth he was giving off.

"You know I love you, and I'll definitely try not to do this again, princess." He whispered.

"I know… its just with what we do there's no guarantees… It scares me." She whispered back into his neck.

"I love you as well." She added.

"Lets get some sleep, huh?" Deeks asked. He felt Kensi nod on his shoulder, as he closed his eyes, inhaling the fresh scent of Kensi's shampoo.

**Xox**

Kensi woke up hour's later feeling finally fresh and safe. Deeks' arm was wrapped around her waist making her feel secure and safe as she was laid half on his chest and his chin resting on top of her head. She smiled at their situation, the first time since she found Deeks' in the shower.

"You certainly look comfortable enough." She heard Deeks voice from on top of her head. She looked up and found him smirking at her, his blue eyes sparkling with humor. She grinned straight back up at him; leaning up and pressing a chaste kiss on his stubble swarmed cheek. Deeks gave her a look, then leaned down and gave her a slow gentle kiss on her lips leaving her breathless.

Both jumped in surprise when they heard the door open and the doctor walked in. Kensi quickly got off his bed and settled into the chair trying not to look flustered at all.

"Now Mr. Deeks, you have made a huge miraculous recovery overnight. Having said that I am definitely not comfortable letting you go home just yet. I would like for you to stay for at least another 72 hours for observation." The doctor stated, whilst checking through his notes.

"Oh c'mon doc. I haven't even been awake for a day but I'm already getting tired of these blank walls and ceiling!" He complained, raising his hands in protest. Kensi smiled at his stubbornness to stay.

"I'm sorry Mr. Deeks, with an injury like yours it is protocol." The doctor returned, exiting the room.

Kensi chuckled at Deeks' facial expression, resuming her position on his bed.

"Well princess, looks like you'll be keeping me company for another few days." Deeks smiled wrapping his arm around her, smiling down at her face.

"Ugh, if I have too…" Kensi teased, turning her face up at the idea.

"You know you want to, can't keep yourself away from me for too long." Deeks threw back smiling at her teasing him. She snuggled into him and smiled genuinely.

"I know, and now I will never have to stay away." Kensi whispered, as Deeks leaned down and kissed her temple affectionately.

**Thanks for reading! So I didn't know where to stop this chapter, so I just stopped it here. I promise I will try and update faster, but life has gotten in the way! Please leave a review on the way out, they do inspire me to write more and faster! I'm thinking I will probably end this at 10 chapters. Okay thanks again for reading!**

**x**


	8. Nerves

**Hey everyone! So here is chapter 8, I tried to make this one fluffier and happier, as most of you requested that**

**Xox**

3 slow days later Deeks was getting released. Kensi had spent ever waking – and sleeping hour by his bedside, keeping him company. The team had come to visit every day, bringing him all sorts of food and reading material to keep him occupied. By the end of the 3 days Deeks was really starting to get on Kensi's nerves, complaining every 10 minutes about his situation. But thank god he was getting out – that means Kensi didn't have to listen to his incisive complaining 24/7.

"Kens! Kensiiiiiiii!" Deeks shouted bursting her out of her thoughts. Her head snapped up looking at him.

"Huh, yeah what?" She asked standing up from his bed. Deeks walked further into his room, going over to Kensi and wrapping his arms around her tiny waist.

"I've got my released forms signed, princess. You know what that means?" He grinned at her.

"Hmmm… I suppose that means your rough ass is coming home with me?" She teased him, smirking at his scowl.

"Hey! Look, I even shaved a little bit for this occasion…" He grumbled, as Kensi laughed.

"Yes I know, I was kidding. You're looking very… roguishly handsome." She smiled whilst running her thumb over his stubble filled cheek. Deeks grumbled again, leaning in so his face was rested in between he shoulder and her neck, kissing the spot under her ear.

"Hmmm… looks like we better get you home before you get too carried away" Kensi giggled as he nibbled at her ear lobe.

"As long as we get to carry this on when we get home" He whispered, kissing her neck once again.

"If you're a good boy and takes his medication…" Kensi smiled, leaning into his embrace. They were broke apart when a nurse walked into Deeks' room pushing a wheelchair in front of her, as Deeks gave her a disapproving look.

"Here you are Mr. Deeks, protocol alright so don't give me that look. Remember to take care of yourself, and this pretty young thing" The elderly nurse advised, smiling warmly at him and Kensi.

"I will Nurse Peters, I'll see you later" Deeks smiled back at her, as she exited the room. He took his seat in the wheelchair, as Kensi made her way behind him then grabbed the handles and started steering him in the direction of the elevator.

"You excited to be getting home? Well at least my home." Kensi enquired, nervously since the doctor ordered Deeks to stay with someone for the next few weeks.

"Yeah, I can't wait to spend the next few weeks in your messy little palace." Deeks grinned, with a hint of apprehension laced in his voice.

"Ha ha. Fine if you don't want to stay with me, I'm sure Hetty will be very welcoming…" Kensi hinted.

"No, no, no. I'm sure your place will do just fine…" Deeks sighed as they reached Kensi's silver car in the parking structure. Deeks easily got up off his wheelchair and got into Kensi's car.

The car journey was in silence with the radio playing in the background. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence like both of them had expected it to be like, it was comforting. They drove to Deeks' apartment first, to pick some clothes up for him to last him for a few weeks at Kensi's, and then drove to her apartment.

**Xox**

At 10pm Kensi unlocked her apartment door carrying one of Deeks' bags over her shoulder. Once both of them entered her apartment they stood awkwardly in the middle of her living room. Kensi didn't know where to put his bag, whether he would rather sleep in the spare bedroom, or her bedroom. She personally preferred the second option, but she didn't want to just assume he wanted to stay with her in her bedroom, when he might prefer to keep some space between them. She couldn't blame him really.

"So erm… I'll put your bags in the spare room then…?" Kensi said leaving her statement open for him to change his mind.

"Oh… okay then…" Deeks stuttered, fiddling with the handle of his other bag. They both made their way into the spare room, Kensi leaving his bag on the bed and just stood there awkwardly.

"I guess you'll want to get to sleep, after the day you've had, you must be tired…" Kensi said not making eye contact with him, instead staring at her sleeve.

"Er… yeah ok then… night?" Deeks said trying to capture her gaze. Kensi slowly but silently left his room, closing the door behind her. She rested her head on the closed door letting out a breath.

Deeks didn't know why Kensi was acting this way, had he done something wrong again? He couldn't remember he did anything. But she obviously didn't want him to sleep in her bed with her, even though he really did want that. So he guessed he would go along with her wishes.

Deeks put his bags on the floor next to the bed, and he stripped down to his boxer and hopes into bed under the freshly washed cotton sheets.

**Xox**

Hours later Deeks still lay wide awake in his bed not being able to get to sleep. His mind raced with the thoughts and worry that Kensi didn't want to sleep in the same bed as him, after everything they shared.

A two rooms over in Kensi's bedrooms he had the same problem. She had the duvet wrapped around her but she still felt cold and insecure. She knew what she wanted, needed, to sleep, but the question was how could she get it? What if he didn't want to sleep in the same bed as her? All these questions raced through Kensi's mind at a million miles per hour, keeping her alert and awake.

Kensi sighed. She knew she wouldn't be able to get sleep unless she stopped the worrying and had someone who made her feel safe next to her. She threw the covers off her and made her way down the hallway being as quiet as she could.

Deeks was staring at the ceiling when he heard the door open and someone walk into his room. He was still and silent until he felt the person get into the bed with him. He knew it was Kensi, who else could it be?

"You alright princess?" He whispered as she shuffled closer to the middle of the bed where Deeks was located.

"Yeah… I just wanted to sleep with you beside me…" Kensi whispered back, scolding herself for sounding so pathetic. Deeks shuffled closer to her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer so she was laid half on his chest, face nuzzled in the crook of his neck inhaling his scent.

"Thank god for that, I thought I did something wrong…" Deeks whispered back, kissing the top of her head.

"Why would you think that?" She asked quietly.

"Cause well I thought it was a given we would sleep in the same bed, after all those days at the hospital, and now were… together?" He whispered back to her, muffled by her brown curly hair.

"Well… I just wasn't sure if you'd prefer to sleep on your own or something…" She said, nerves in her voice.

"Why d'ya think that Fern? If anything I prefer sleeping with you any day of the week" He smiled into her hair.

"Good, cause you better get used to it" She looked up and smiled gently back at him.

"Well if I get used to it how am I supposed to leave at the end of third week?" He asked quietly, leaving his voice open for suggestion.

"Well I guess you just won't after to leave…" She said gently, her voice vulnerable afraid of his answer.

"I think I'd like that, princess." He said just as softly back, kissing the top of her head, snuggling further into her. They both smiled contently; finally happy the other was in their arms.

**Xox**

**Thanks for reading everyone! I said I would try and update fast, so here it is. I have already got the other chapter written, so depending on the reviews and feedback I get for this chapter decides when I post the next one! Until next time!**

**x**


	9. Bacon

**Heyloo! Thank you for all the reviews and feedback I got for the last chapter, I really appreciate it. So the promo pictures… don't know really what to say about them but lets wait and see for the actual promo. One little bad word in this chapter, so be warned. Anyway here is chapter 9.**

**Xox**

Kensi awoke feeling refreshed and safe. She could feel Deeks' arm around her waist and she could hear his heart beat thumping against her ear. Kensi slowly raised her head up from Deeks' chest to take a look at his sleeping face. His mouth was opened slightly as soft snores emerged from him. Kensi smiled a little at his appearance, relishing the moment with Deeks. Kensi sighed and unwrapped herself from his embrace, and grabbing the first piece of clothing she could find. She then made her way through to the kitchen, taking one last look at sleeping Deeks.

**Xox**

Deeks' eyes flickered open to be greeted to a white ceiling and an empty pillow next to him. He sat up slightly, running a hand over his face over coming his sleep like state. His nose was suddenly filled with the strong aroma of bacon, making him sit up straighter, pulling him out of his sleepy state.

Deeks groggily stumbled down the hallway to the doorway to the kitchen. Inside the kitchen the radio was turned up and Kensi faced away from him wearing one of his blue dress shirts, making him smile. Another thing that made him smile is that she was dancing whilst cooking the bacon. Her hips swung in time to the song _'Empire State Of Mind'_ moving on the spot.She used the spatula as a microphone, one hand still on the handle of the pan, securing the bacon. Deeks chuckled to himself.

He had never seen Kensi so carefree and fun. He started to walk up behind her as the chorus came up, wrapping his arms around her waist singing the chorus with her.

"In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of!" They sung in time. Kensi laughed, knocking her head back so the back of her head was rested on his shoulder, as she smiled happily at him.

"You look happy, princess." He whispered to her. Kensi spun round in his arms so hands were linked at the base of his neck, and his arms still around her waist. She chuckled, still smiling brightly at Deeks.

"That's because I am." She grinned back, pecking him on the lips as she kept eye contact, enticed by his light blue orbs.

"Shit! The bacon." Kensi cried, spinning round to check the burnt meat.

"Ugh, it's ruined." She sighed, poking at the extra crispy bacon.

"Nah its not, the black bits are just extra flavor." Deeks winked at her, steeling the piece of bacon off her spatula and biting into it.

"See?" He asked, putting the half eaten bacon next to her lips. She took a bite out of it and screwed up her face.

"No? It's just burnt Deeks." She chuckled, about to toss out the bacon when he stopped her.

"Don't waste good food! I can still eat that!" He complained, snatching the bacon away before she could throw it in the bin.

"You can eat anything…" Kensi acknowledged more to herself. Deeks chuckled, wrapping a spare arm round her waist from behind.

"C'mon princess, you know you wanna bite…" He teased, waving the bacon in front of her face.

"No, trust me I really don't…" Kensi laughed back at him, trying to get away from the bacon waving in front her face. Deeks shoved the last bit in his mouth, chewing and swallowing quickly, then pulling Kensi into him.

Neither one of them said anything, just smiling gently at the other, eyes locked. Deeks leaned in, as Kensi reciprocated, moving her face closer to his. Their lips met in the middle, moving within each other's. After a while they pulled apart and Kensi screwed up her face once again.

"You taste like burnt bacon!" She accused.

"Oh, c'mon Fern you know you love it…" He teased again, peppering kissed all over her face as Kensi struggled to get away from his firm grasp, squealing and laughing.

When she broke free, she ran through to the bedroom and jumped on the bed throwing the duvet at Deeks who was right on her tail.

He jumped up on the bed next to her and took her by the waist, as she squealed. She bumped into his front, still laughing as Deeks started kissing her face again.

"Ok,,, ok… I surrender!" Kensi admitted through laughs.

"Mmm huh that's what I thought." Deeks grinned at her as he kissed her temple, pulling her in so they were in a tight embrace.

He leaned down so his mouth was right next to her ear.

"You know I really love you Fern…" He whispered seriously. He felt her nod in the crook of his neck.

"I know… I love you too Deeks…" She whispered back, nuzzling the crook of his neck, inhaling his deep scent.

"So… you really meant what you said?" He asked her, his voice turning a little nervous now.

"What's that?" She whispered back, removing her face from his neck to look at his face quizzically. He avoided her eyes, suddenly scared of her answer.

"That er… I never have to leave, and go back to my apartment?" Deeks asked, still not making eye contact. They stood there in silence for a couple of minutes, until Deeks pulled away taking her silence as a no.

"Er… sorry, I didn't mean to push you… I guess… I'll leave now then…" Deeks half whispered, sounding defeated. Kensi still stood there, her eyebrows crossed as she grabbed his arm as he was about to leave.

"No! No! Of course I meant it Deeks!" She cried, pulling him in for another hug.

"Phew… wow Fern, you really had me scared there." He whispered into her neck.

"Of course I meant it…" She whispered back, fighting the tears.

"Good cause I definitely don't wanna leave!" He chuckled kissing just under her ear.

"Good cause your not." She pulled her head back and smiled at him sweetly, leaning in and pecking him on the lips, then resting the side of her head against her cheek.

**Xox**

**Thanks for reading! Sot he song featured was obviously empire state of mind by Jay-z and Alicia Keys and co. So please leave a review on your way out, they really inspire me to write more, and post the chapters faster. See you next time!**

**x**


	10. The Beginning or End?

**Hi everyone! So thank you for the reviews on my last chapter. I know I have already posted this chapter but I have decided this WON'T be my last chapter, as I previously said on the first posted version of this, thanks to all you who persuaded me. I am going to carry it on to maybe 20 chapters! Sorry for the confusion! Enjoy!**

**Xox**

**6 months later**

Kensi and Deeks had officially been together for 6 months. It had definitely been a busy 6 months for both of them. They had told the whole team, some (Nell and Hetty) hadn't been surprised but others (Eric, Sam and Callen) had been shocked and not seen this coming.

They had also been living together for the past 6 months, unfortunately for Deeks in Kensi's cluttered apartment, which he tried oh so hard to actually get slightly organized.

The whole team had to say they had seen a big change in both of them. Deeks no longer flirted with every girl, and he always seemed happy. Kensi always had a smile on her face and they both seemed content.

**Xox**

"Kens?" Deeks shouted across the apartment. It was Saturday morning and they both had the day off, so they decided to have a lazy day at home, their home.

"Yeah?" Kensi shouted back. She was currently in the kitchen, mixing egg, flour and water in a bowl since she decided she wanted pancakes for breakfast.

"Come here for a sec will ya?" He called back. Deeks was in the bedroom, laid across their bed, fiddling with an object in his hands. Kensi came padding through to the bedroom moments later, like normal dressed in one of his over sized t shirts, which caught Deeks' breath every time he saw her like this, her true beauty coming out.

'Yeah?" She asked, her side resting on the doorframe smiling at him. Deeks patted the bed next to him, inviting her to come and sit next to him. She squinted her eyes at him, wary at his intentions, but still kept a sly smile on her face as she made her way over to the bed.

Deeks was still fiddling with the object in his hands, not looking at Kensi's face. Kensi leaned over and touched one of his hands gently, as he quickly hid the object in his grasp.

"You know I love you right Fern?" He asked, nervousness filling his voice.

"Yeah, course I do… Deeks what is this about?" Kensi inquired, staring to get worried now.

"Well… erm, right. I don't wanna loose you, ever. I want… I want something permanent…" Deeks began. Kensi stayed quiet still closely watching his face waiting for him to continue.

"I er… I guess what I'm trying to say is that…" Deeks started again, letting a breath out.

"Kens, will you marry me?" He finally said, looking up and into her eyes. Her face went blank and her body stiff as she just stared at him.

After a couple of minutes that's when Deeks realized her answer. His chest contracted in pain as disappointment and sadness washed over his face, as he made his way off the bed.

"I… I ok. I'm going to leave now, kay? I just need to… not be here right now…" He said brokenly, Kensi still didn't move a muscle; staring at the spot Deeks occupied a few moments prior.

Deeks didn't understand. He didn't know what her answer would be, but he was sure if it were a no, she'd let him down gently, instead she completely ignores him and doesn't say a word. It was not her answer that hurt most; it was the way she delivered it.

He grabbed his wallet, phone, gun and keys as he made his way to the door, turning around when he reached it to check she hadn't come out. When his eyes were greeted by an empty corridor, he nodded to himself, then made his way out of the apartment.

As soon as Kensi heard the front door click behind Deeks she burst into tears. She couldn't believe she just did that to him. He had just proposed and what did she do? Not say a damn thing. That was the worst thing she could of done in that situation. She hated herself so much in that moment, how could she do that to him? It had been the best 6 months of her life, and she just ruined it.

She jumped off the bed, wiping the tears off her face but to no avail as they kept on pouring down her cheeks. Kensi rushed through to the sitting room to find her phone shoved on the table next to the couch. She quickly grabbed it and dialed 1 on her speed dial.

_"Hey, this is Deeks, sorry I couldn't get to the phone just leave a message and I'll get back to you!"_ Deeks' cheery voice emanated from the phone. This made Kensi want to burst into tears again, as she remembered how broken his voice sounded not ten minutes ago. She did that to him. As the beep sounded she took a deep breath.

"H-Hey Deeks. It's me." Kensi started, trying to sound as normal as possible, but failing when her voice breaks after one word, she carried on.

"I… I am so sorry Deeks… I really am. I was just not expecting that. Please, please phone me back I need to talk to you…" Kensi finished as the tears began rolling down her face once again.

She took a breath after she hung up, staring at the phone in her hand, willing for it to ring. Ten minutes later when it still hadn't rung, she got up, grabbed her coat and almost ran out of her apartment, attempting to wipe of the continuous stream of tears.

**Xox**

Deeks slammed his fist into the punch bag for the hundredth time in half an hour. Sweat was pouring off his forehead and his gym clothes were soaked too.

He had come straight to NCIS HQ after leaving their apartment, after not knowing where to go or what to do. He got his gym clothes out of his locker and went straight to the gym.

At that point his breath was labored as he tore his fists away from the punch bag. He slowly walked back into the changing rooms and got into the shower. Surprising the gym was bare this morning, unlike the loud squad room he had to keep his head down to get through unnoticed.

The scalding water poured down his back, soothing his aching muscles and taking his mind off the cause of those aching muscles. He tilted his face toward the spray, closing his eyes as the water refreshed his face. He head someone enter the shower room and sighed, not really wanting to face anyone right now.

He turned off the shower and wrapped the white towel around his waist and exited the cubicle. He kept his eyes on the floor, hoping the person would not try and make conversation.

As he reached his locker pulled out his clothes, slipped on his boxers and jeans when he head someone clear their throat from behind him.

He sighed and turned around looking up, freezing when he realized whom it was. Kensi stood leaning against one of the bench railings watching him intently, her eyes red and puffy indicating she had been crying.

"What do you want Kensi?" Deeks croaked as he sighed again.

"I want to talk…" Kensi whispered walking closer to him. Deeks turned back around and pulled out a t-shirt and pulled it over his head.

"Well I think your silence was enough of an answer thanks." He grumbled, packing his locker up.

"Deeks… please, please just listen to me…" She whispered her eyes watering up again at his tone. Deeks closed his eyes slowly and turned around, opening them and nodding slightly, so Kensi continued.

"You know about my past. Jack. That… that it just made me remember the last time I made a commitment like that… it scared me. It made me remember waking up one morning and he was just… gone. It reminded how that left me… how it broke me. And I just can't go back there…" She whispered, reaching out and cupping his check with her hand.

"Kensi… do you really believe I would leave you?" Deeks asked her.

"No! Its just last I didn't believe it either and it did…" She whispered her voice now thick with tears.

"Don't you trust me not to do that to you?" He asked quietly.

"Yes! I know you wont leave me! Of course I know that! It just brought bad memories back that's all… I'm so sorry for the way I reacted Deeks, please you gotta believe me." She pleaded with him, taking his hand and holding it.

He was silent for a while; taking in the new information, then he slowly began nodding his head.

"Ok. I guess I can't blame you, it would of brought bad memories for me to." Deeks said softly, running his thumb over the side of her hand. Kensi let out a chocked sob as she wrapped her arms around him hugging him tightly as she places her head in the crook of his neck, never wanting to let go.

"I'm so so sorry Deeks." She whispered again and again.

"It's ok, yeah were fine." He soothed her.

"Yes." She whispered back.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Yes I'll marry you." She whispered into his neck as Deeks froze, shocked.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yes. I trust you, and I love you I know you wont intentionally hurt me." She explained closing her eyes. She felt him remove his face from her neck as she copied his movements and was met by his blue orbs.

"I love you too." He whispered back, leaning in and kissed her gently. She kissed him back, finally happy with the man in her arms.

**Xox**

**Thank you all for reading! Please leave a review on your way out. Please check out my other stories. Thanks for reading again! See you soon!**

**x **


	11. Authors Note

****AUTHORS NOTE****

If those of you who haven't seen my edited version of chapter 10, I am posting this just to let you know that I WILL be carrying on with the story, maybe up to chapter 20. Thank you all for your kind reviews, since those are what really swayed me to carry on!

Another thing is that I will be going back to school next week, going into year 11, so that means the updates might not be too regular since I've got my GCSE's to focus on but i promise i will try and write loads before the holidays are up so I can post regularly!

Thanks to all my reader/ reviews you all mean a lot

x


	12. Engaged

**Hello everyone! I am so so sorry this is so late, I've got so much coursework it's unbelievable! So here is the (official) chapter 11 since the authors not didn't count. **

**So there is a bit of sauciness shall we say in this chapter, but nothing in detail at all. You've been warned!**

**For most of you that know I have decided to carry on this story since you guys are so persuasive! And by the way you probably think I'm horrible for not replying to your reviews, but honestly I just found out I COULD reply to reviews, only been on the site for a couple of months, so I apologize and will reply from here on out. So here it is!**

**Xox**

Kensi smiled as she watched Deeks flip the pancakes in the pan. Last night they had a fight. Last night they got engaged. She couldn't of been happier. She knew what Deeks had told her was true, he would never intentionally hurt her, and she truly believed it.

She stood leaning against the counter opposite the cooker in one of his over-sized shirts, and he was in just grey sweatpants as he cooked them breakfast. Kensi watched his muscles flare on his back, as she not so subtly stared at him. Deeks turned round and grinned at her, whilst putting the pancakes on a plate.

"Enjoying the view are we, Fern?" He teased, winking at her.

Kensi's face went red in embarrassment because he caught her staring. Deeks put the pan down and turned around, wrapping his arms around her slender waist, making the shirt ride further up her legs than it already was. He started pressing soft kisses to the base of her neck, and move up to her pulse point making her moan and squirm in his arms.

"Breakfasts ready." He whispered gently into her ear, biting her earlobe in the process, making her groan again.

He pulled away, placing his hands on her hips and pulling her in the direction of the pancakes stacked on a plate. She grabbed the plate and Deeks guided her through to the lounge.

Deeks sat in the middle of the sofa, pulling Kensi down nearly on top of him as she shouted in protest.

"Deeks!" She yelled as she felt his arms around her pulling her down. She tried to keep the pancakes on the plate, succeeding but at the same time spilling maple syrup on Deeks' leg and on her upper torso.

"Woops." Deeks chuckled as Kensi placed the plate on the table, and turning to face him. She had her eyebrows raised, and he hands out trying to touch her sticky top. He grinned at her, grabbing her again as he pulled her down on top of him as she screamed, landing in the syrup on his leg.

"Looks like we had a little accident." Deeks winked at her, as she placed her head on his neck, so she was sitting on her side.

"You mean, YOU had an accident!" She said in an accusing yet playful voice.

"Nuh uh, princess. Soon it will be yours and mine." He smiled at her, as she grinned back.

"Looks like you've got something on you…" He whispered playfully, leaning down and sucking the syrup off her collarbone, as she arched into him moaning.

"Deeks…" She whispered huskily, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck. Deeks carried on licking and sucking her upper chest and neck, getting every last trace of syrup off her neck.

Once Deeks had finished getting every bit of syrup off her, she reached down and ran her finger up his leg, collecting the syrup on his leg. She brought her finger up to her mouth, slowly placing it her mouth and sucking on it gently. Deeks stared intently at her, his mouth hanging open in awe. She removed her finger from her mouth, making a popping sound as she took it out. Deeks moaned, and kissed her hard on her mouth.

"We have to go to work tomorrow…" Kensi sighed against his neck after their heavy makes out session.

"Aw c'mon princess, lets stay home sick!" Deeks grinned, hugging her closer. Kensi pulled away, kissing the corner of his mouth.

"I know, I know… I wish we could. At least we've got the weekend off coming up in a couple of days." Kensi sighed, breathing in his scent, as she still kept on top of him.

"Yeah, we can spend all weekend in bed and I can introduce you to the move Insidious." Deeks smiled running his hands up and down her sides.

"Or… we could start planning…" She whispered delicately.

"For what?" Deeks replied not realizing the weight of her words.

"Well we are engaged…" She carried on, trailing her sentence, hoping Deeks would catch on.

"Oh!" He realized, turning his head so he was facing her.

"You want to start planning now?" He asked.

"Cause I thought we would be one of couples that have a long engagement, that's all." He justified.

"Oh… erm. Ok. Yeah." She nodded her head, feeling more than slightly disappointed. Deeks detected the disappointment, and carried on.

"It's just cause you know we've been together for six months, most couples have been together longer when they get married, and plus you didn't particularly want to get engaged in the first place, so I thought we could leave it longer, give you- us time to adjust…" Deeks rambled, trying to justify his choices.

Kensi nodded her head. "Deeks! No, no, no. Please don't think you have to hold off things because of what I did. I'm sorry ok. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm sorry. It was a one off, kay?" Kensi pleaded, desperately.

"I'm just trying to make sure that your comfortable. You know, so if you change your mind…" Deeks mumbled.

"Deeks! How could you think that? How could you think that I'd change my mind about us? I could never!" Kensi shouted, horrified that he'd think that. She got up off his lap, and stood in front of him, her face conveying exactly how she was feeling.

'Kensi! No, no. That's not how I meant it ok. I just want you to be sure of this, that's all!" He said, voice slightly raised to get his point across.

"Why… Deeks. No. I AM sure about this. I am. Ok. You need to know that." She pleaded with him, taking his hands in hers, trying to convince him.

Deeks nodded his head, opening his arms to her. "I know, princess. Ok, I know. I just wanted to make sure, that's all." He whispered as she climbed into his lap again, placing her head in the crook of his neck again.

"So… you want to get planning then?" He whispered, kissing her cheek.

"Only if you do…" She said gently, nuzzling her head in his neck.

"Oh I do, princess, I do." He whispered, closing his eyes, baking in the moment.

"I can't wait till I'm Mrs Kensi Deeks." She whispered, kissing the underside of his chin.

"Neither can I Fern, neither can I." He smiled back, tightening his grip on her waist.

**Xox**

**Thanks everyone for reading! Please review on your way out. Now, I honestly don't know when the next chapter will be up, and I'm sorry! This is the biggest year for me! Kay, thanks again!**

**x**


	13. I Do, Don't I?

**Hello everyone! I am so so sorry this is so late, again! I have said it before and I'll say it again, I blame school! Got so much work at the minute, and I've only just found time to write. Thanks everyone for your continued support! Okay so im thinking I will probably end this story at 15 chapters so that's 4 chapters away, including this one. Anyyyway… here it is!**

**Xox**

4 months later

Kensi paced up and down Nell's living room, going over and over her track marks she's made on the carpet. Deeks was staying at his friends house to go surfing, and was due to fly back in exactly 2 days. It was exactly 1 week till the wedding. 1 week till she said I do. And now, she was freaking out.

"Nell… I can't do this… I just can't…" Kensi breathed, as she stopped pacing to run her hands over her face and hair.

"Kensi… you were so sure about all of this… why the sudden cold feet?" She asked her scared friend.

"I… I… I don't know." Kensi sighed, finally sitting down on the couch, as Nell came up to sit next to her. She placed a reassuring hand on her knee, giving it a squeeze.

"I was so excited… then I just started to become scared of all of this… the permanency I guess." She whispered, leaning her head down.

"Kensi… why don't you ask Deeks to wait then? Take some time to get settled then you can start talking about getting married again." Nell advised her.

"No! No… He offered me all of that… he offered to wait till I was ready, but I was the one who wanted to go ahead and start planning it… I can't back out on him now, he'll hate me…" Kensi sighed, feeling stuck,

"He's Deeks, he'll love you no matter what, Kensi. You know that." Nell said, trying to convince her.

"I know he loves me, but… Why would he want a girl who calls everything off time and time again, when he can have any girl who will just straight into it with him?" Kensi sighed, willing the tears in her eyes to disappear.

"Kensi!" Nell scolded, "He wants you! He'll love you no matter what. You need to tell him what your feeling Kensi before it all blows up." Nell insisted.

"Nell… I can't. I don't want him to think I don't love him! I do! So much. I have to do this for him… All I have to do is put on a dress and say 'I do' that's it. For Deeks." Kensi decided.

"Kensi! You can't go through with this if you're unsure! Just wait, ok. Tell him how you're feeling now, seriously." Nell kept on insisting.

"Why though! If I can't do this one thing for him…" Kensi sighed.

"You know he loves you, married or not married. If you want to wait, he will be fine with it ok. Kensi, please." Nell pleaded with her stubborn friend.

"No… I need to do this, he'll hate me otherwise…" Kensi cried, wiping the tears off her face and storming out of the apartment. Nell rubbed her hand over her face. _This isn't going to end well for Kensi or Deeks… _she thought.

**Xox**

The morning of the wedding

Deeks fixed his black bow tie in the mirror. Today was the day. Callen walked up behind him, and clapped him on the shoulder.

"You nervous man?" He asked as Deeks turned around, to grin nervously at him.

"Lil bit. More worried bout Kens though. She's been acting off ever since I came home from the surfing trip…" He said, whilst vaguely staring out the window.

"You don't think she's got cold feet though do you?" Callen asked, growing more serious.

"I… I don't know. I just wish… I wish she would talk to me, you know. I'd rather she'd talk to me and tell me she doesn't wanna do it, than regret it later." Deeks sighed, fiddling with his bow tie.

"She won't. She loves you, and you love her, that's it ok. I'm sure everything will be fine" Callen tried to reassure him, Deeks nodded.

"Yeah I hope so…"

**xox**

Kensi wiped the last tear off her cheek. Nell had just been in to check if everything was all right, she was on edge, Kensi could tell. But she knew there was a reason she was on edge, and she was right. She signed her name at the bottom of the letter and folded it up. She stood up and took one last look in the mirror; at her beautiful satin white dress.

"I'm so sorry Marty…" She whispered.

**Xox**

Deeks sighed. He knew it. He knew something was off, yet he chose to ignore it. She was late, a whole 2 hours late. No one knew where she was, so he sent everyone home. He was currently sat on one of the front chairs on the beach they were going to get married on.

The sun was now setting, and he couldn't stop the bitter thoughts running into his head, about how perfect it would've been to have their first dance as the sun set. That wasn't going to happen now.

He heard light feet make their way down the aisle, Deeks quickly raised his head in hopes it was Kensi, but instead was met by an apologetically smiling Nell watching him. She took a seat next to him as she began to speak.

"I'm so sorry Deeks…" Nell whispered, staring at the golden sand.

"It's not your fault Nell." Deeks croaked back.

"No… you don't understand. A week ago she came to me, telling me she was scared and couldn't do it, I told her, I told her to tell you and you'd understand, but she refused. She said she had to do it for you, and how you wouldn't want her if she did tell you. I am so sorry Deeks I didn't think this would happen." Nell whispered, pleading with him.

Deeks took a sharp intake of breath at the revelation then he nodded slowly. "It's ok Nell. Why would she think I wouldn't want her? God, this is so messed up." He sighed, rubbing his forehead with his hand.

"She just said that she couldn't do it two times to you…" Nell whispered, handing him an envelope.

"She left this in her dressing room. It's addressed to you." Nell said, patting him on the shoulder. She got up and walked off down the beach to give Deeks some privacy.

He stared down at the envelope for a few minutes, till he gathered up the nerve to open it. The seal unfolded neatly, as he gently slid out the paper. Deeks unfolded it, and stared at her beautiful handwriting, as he began to read.

_Dear Marty._

_Where do I start? I am so incredibly sorry for what I did to you. Leaving you. As I write this I am already starting to regret my decision, but I couldn't do it. Please understand, I am just so scared of this entire thing, not you. Never you, I trust you with my entire heart. Honestly, I don't know why I'm like this. I want to blame Jack. I want to blame my dad. For both leaving me so suddenly, making me afraid that you will do the same._

_But I know you won't I know that ok I do. I need some time, ok. I need to clear my head. I need you to understand this is __NOT __your fault. You're the one who offered me all that time, insisted we have that time, but I'm the one who rejected that, I'm the one that's ruined this._

_I wish I could've done this differently, if at all. Leaving you there, that was the single hardest decision I have ever made. And I know it's wrong. You will probably hate me by know. Leaving you there, embarrassing you, I just don't know how to justify myself to you. I don't. I need some time. Time, that's what I could've had, but I ruined that. I realize you probably don't want to see me again, which is making my heart break; even know I'm the one that did this to us. Look, if you don't want to see me again, that's fine, it'll kill me but I totally understand. 07654737864. Call me in a week, please. If you don't I'll get the message, and I won't bother you again._

_I love you so much, please understand._

_Fern_

_X_

Deeks took one last look at the letter, folded it up and put it in his pocket. He tried to understand why she'd done it. He knew she was scared but he thought he meant more to her than a poxy letter whilst he was left at the aisle. He sighed and wiped his eye quickly. _Lets see how I feel in a week._ He decided, but he had a strong feeling he wouldn't feel any different.

**Xox**

**Okay thanks fro reading everyone! Please leave a review on your way out I really appreciate them and they help me write more, honest! I've got one last question for you all, to call or not to call? Leave your answers in the review and anything else you'd like to see, I'll take them all into account!:)**

**x**


	14. To Call, Or Not To Call

**Hey guys! Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter, there were loads! This chapter is early! 2 days after I last updated you get a new chapter**** Ok so here is chapter 13, and for reference in here Darren is Deeks' friend who he took a vacation with to go surfing in the last chapter, just so you know! And plus, just for this story, Kensi has now a good relationship with her mom. Here it is…**

**Xox**

1 week later

Kensi sat staring at her phone, willing it to ring. If it didn't, she honestly did not know what she would do. She needed Deeks, she knew she did. And leaving him there was the biggest mistake of her life, period. She just hoped that he'd understand why, but she could also understand if he didn't call, no one wants a girl who is on then suddenly off, she got that.

"Kensi honey, why don't we go get some lunch in town?" Kensi jumped in surprise from the sound of her mom's voice.

That's where she'd been staying you see, couldn't go back to their apartment obviously, and really didn't want the hassle from Nell, so she chose her mom. She'd been there at the wedding, but didn't push Kensi to tell her why she didn't turn up; just happy Kensi had come to stay with her.

"Not today, mom, I have some things… I need to sort out." Kensi explained, still watching the phone.

"Ok… Kensi, if he doesn't call what are you going to do?" Julia asked her hesitantly. She was surprised when Kensi let out a quiet sob, and bowed her head down. Julia knelt down and put a hand on her daughters shoulder.

"I… I don't know. God. I really don't. He is the only one I can picture myself spending my life with, yet I screwed it all up!" She explained angrily.

"Look Kens. I agree that you two are perfect, and I know you regret leaving him, but it's done now, ok. If he doesn't call go and see him. Don't let him go without a fight." Julia encouraged her daughter. Kensi nodded her head.

"Maybe… we'll see how this goes…" She whispered.

**Xox**

"Don't call her man. If your not sure if she's going to leave you again, don't do it. You can't spend your whole life wondering whens the next time she'll leave." Darren said, whilst cleaning his surfboard. They were down in the basement of Deeks' apartment, cleaning their boards after a morning on the waves. Deeks kept on glancing over at his phone, every few seconds which was located on a washer.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Darren… God I love her so much but I just don't know" Deeks sighed, putting the dirty cloth down, and rubbing his hand over his face.

"I know man, I know. Just think about how you feel okay? I'll see you later yeah?" Darren asked, whist picking up his surfboard and making his way toward the entrance.

"Yeah I will, later." Deeks replied, placing his surfboard back in the corner. He picked up his cell and made his way upstairs to his apartment.

It had been an hour. An hour literally spent staring at his phone, wondering what he should do. He didn't know why he was afraid; it was Kensi, his Kensi why should she scare him? He picked up his phone and dialed her number. He tapped his fingers nervously on the arm of the chair, after 3 rings she picked up.

"Deeks?" He heard a voice on the other end ask. He drew in a breath. It had been a week since he had heard her voice, her beautiful voice. He tried to gather some words to say, but nothing was happening.

"Deeks? Please answer me…" Kensi whispered into the phone. On the other end she was sat on the edge of her bed. Her mother had gone into town with friends, as she waited hopefully, praying he would call, and he did.

"Deeks?" Her voice broke this time, a tear sliding down her face at the silence on the phone. He couldn't even talk to her. What had she done? If he weren't going to talk, then she would at least tell him how sorry she was.

"I get it, ok. I'm so sorry for what I did, you have to believe me. I'm not asking for forgiveness all right, not this time. I… I want you to know I will always love you. I was a coward for walking away, I know that…" Kensi took a breath.

"I'm broken okay. I know I am. I'm scared of all of this, but at the same time I don't know what I'm scared of. Find someone Marty, please-" Her voice broke, as she bit back a sob, but carried on.

"Find someone who isn't scared like I am, who isn't broken, find someone who loves you at least half as much as I love you. You deserve that." She whispered her final words.

"Kens-" Deeks croaked, too late. All he could hear was the dial tone blaring in his ear.

He shut his eyes. He didn't have chance. Chance to tell her she isn't broken, she's perfect, that he loves her too. They always had an issue with timing.

**Xox**

Kensi couldn't stop the sobs from wracking her body. They came in waves. The silence is what killed her the most. The fact that he didn't have even one thing to say to her. She knew she had ruined it, but after all that he still didn't have anything to say? The tears fell from her face, soaking the pillow under her, but she still didn't care. What was she going to do now?

**Xox**

Deeks unlocked his phone again, after thinking for a few minutes. He quickly re-dialed the last number phoned and waited. It went straight to voicemail.

"Dammit." He cursed. She wasn't answering. After taking another moment to think of what his next move was, he scrolled through his contacts and clicked on the name "Nell."

"Hello?" Nell answered.

"Nell, I need your help." Deeks rushed.

"Sure what can I do for you today?" Nell asked, curious as to what Deeks wanted.

"I need you to trace Kensi's cell, okay." Deeks replied, fiddling with the thread on his white t-shirt.

"Deeks… I don't think that's a good idea. You need to give her space…" Nell told him gently.

"No, you don't understand. I messed things up ok. I don't have time to explain, but please Nell. Just track her phone I need to know where she is." Deeks pleased with the woman. There was silence on the other end of the phone for a couple seconds until Nell replied.

"Ok" She sighed defeated. Deeks could her the tapping away of keys in the background, as he nervously ran a hand through his shaggy hair. The only sound was the clicking of keys until he heard a faint 'ding'.

"She's at her moms house Deeks." Nell informed him.

"Thanks Nell. I owe you one." Deeks assured her, ending the call. He stood up from his leather couch and rushing to the door, making his way to the parking lot.

As his car tires hit the road, he just prayed she was still there and was willing to listen to him.

**Xox**

**Thank you all fro reading! Soooo… I updated much earlier, since I had this chapter pre wrote! Please please please leave a review on your way out they make my day**** And also please leave a comment as what you would like to happen, here are the options:**

**Kensi's left.**

**Kensi is there, listens to Deeks and they make up.**

**Kensi is there, but rejects Deeks and tells him he's be better off without her.**

**YOUR IDEA!**

**Please leave a comment, and I guess majority wins! Thanks again for all your support!:)**


	15. Decisions

**Helloo everyone once again! So here is chapter 14. Thank you all so much for the reviews I got on the last chapter, and sorry if I didn't reply, my wifi has been playing up. So I went with the majority vote on this, but my own way;) Anyway, here you go!**

**Xox**

Deeks sat in his car outside Kensi's moms house. He'd made it all that way, but he didn't know what to do from there. Once he'd arrived outside all the memories of her leaving him at the altar came flooding back. The pain he'd experienced, what she did. He now currently couldn't decide whether to go knock on the door or just drive away. Deeks was taken out of his thoughts when he heard a door shut, and saw Kensi locking the front door.

She was wearing dark blue jeans, with a white top and her green parker. Kensi had a grey scarf wrapped around her neck, keeping her from the unusually harsh L.A November weather. Deeks thought she looked stunning, despite their current situation.

Kensi made her way down the brick steps, looking up and realizing whose car was parked outside. Her eyes widened in surprise, then quickly shrunk down, and she quickly picked up the pace walking down the street. She blinked away the tears threatening to fall from her still red puffy eyes as her boots clicked with every step she took down the concrete pathway.

Deeks quickly made his mind up as he watched her nearly run away from him. He jumped out of his car, and started to jog after her quickly fading figure.

"Kensi!" Deeks shouted, getting closer to her. Kensi ignored his voice as she hastily wiped away the fallen tear from her cheek.

"Kens, please wait!" Deeks shouted again, reaching her. He wrapped his fingers around her elbow, as she swung around to face him, without making eye contact.

"Deeks…" She whispered, fiddling with her fingers out of nervousness.

"Kens." Deeks stated, not sure what to say now he had the opportunity.

"I… I erm I meant what I said on the phone, Deeks, if you heard me or not." She whispered her voice sounding so close to breaking.

"I heard you." Deeks stated again, watching her fingers wrap around each other.

"Why are you here then?" She cried. Deeks taken back from her sudden outburst frowned.

"What? You expect me just to walk away? I'm not like you Kensi, I can't just forget everything and walk away." Deeks exclaimed. After he said that there was a deafening silence. Kensi could hardly breathe after his accusation.

"How could you? You think it was easy leaving you there? It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But YOU deserve better, better than someone broken like me, don't you understand? I did this for you." Kensi hissed, finally making eye contact with him, her eyes burning with fire.

"Kensi, you don't understand! Your NOT broken okay, get that into your head. You are the most perfect person I have ever met, and if you think by leaving me you're helping me, then your wrong, so so wrong Kensi. You did nothing but hurt me." Deeks growled back.

"Deeks…" Kensi whispered, her voice finally broken.

"Please Kensi, don't okay. Just don't. If your going to leave like this again, because you think I deserve better, which by the way I don't even deserve you. I can't have anyone else, I won't ok. So if you leave then you'll be taking my heart with you" Deeks admitted quietly.

Kensi stood her and closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing, taking in what Deeks had just said. A few minutes later she slowly nodded her head.

"Ok… Ok Deeks. I can't promise I won't have doubts at times, but I will never you again, I promise." Kensi choked, her voice breaking and tears pouring down her cheeks. Deeks opened his arms, as Kensi fell into them, sobbing.

"I'm so sorry Marty, so sorry." She sobbed into his neck. Deeks stroked her back and hushed her.

"I know, its ok princess, were ok now." He whispered into her ear. After a while her sobs quieted into soft hiccups.

"Lets go home." Deeks softly smiled at her, pulling her by her hand down the street. Kensi gently smiled back, following his lead.

**Xox**

Deeks combed his fingers threw Kensi's soft brown locks as they sat there watching America's Next Top Model. Deeks couldn't believe what had just happened in the space of just a week. He was getting married. He got left at the alter. He was back with Kensi. Wow. Deeks continued to listen to her soft intakes of breath and inhaled her beautiful intoxicating scent. Kensi turned to face him, her face lined with worry.

"Deeks… I just want you to know, if you're having seconds thoughts… it's ok you know." Kensi whispered, looking into his baby blue eyes. Deeks frowned.

"No, Kensi, no. Don't say things like that ok. We're good me and you, and we will be for a long time, you promised." Deeks argued back.

"I know… but I just wanted to make sure, you were sure." Kensi whispered back, running her palm over his stubble covered cheek.

"I've always been sure princess, always." Deeks whispered, kissing her temple softly.

"Good." Kensi stated, snuggling into his side even more, as she turned her attention back to the T.V. Deeks kept his arm around her waist, and the other combing her locks, as she was pressed flush against him.

"I love you Marty…" Kensi whispered, her head leaning back into the crook of his neck.

"I love you too, Fern" Deeks whispered back, kissing the top of her head affectionately.

**Xox**

**Thanks for reading! So I know this chapter unusually short, and I apologize for that, but I just thought this was a nice place to leave it. Please leave a review on your way out and I promise that I will make the next chapter longer, which is the epilogue. I want you guys to give me some ideas what you want included in the epilogue.**

**Married with a baby/pregnant**

**Not married but still together**

**Not married with a baby/pregnant**

**GIVE ME SOME MORE IDEAS!**

**Please chose one and let me know any other details you want in the epilogue, which will be longer okay I promise!**

**x**


	16. Epilogue

**Hello everybody! Sorry this chapter is later than the other ones I have been posting, I know I've been going on about exams, but ive got mocks coming up and staring one real exam on Tuesday! Anyway, here is the final chapter to this story, and I'm thinking about doing a sequel so keep an eye out for that! Here it is…**

**Xox**

1 year later

Kensi sat on the squishy leather couch at hers and Deeks' house as she mulled over the events of the past year.

Her and Deeks were about to get married. She left him at the alter. (Which by the ways she very much regretted.) And now they were here. Still not married, but still together and growing stronger by the day.

Kensi placed a gentle hand over her growing bump. 5 months ago she'd found out she was pregnant with a baby girl. Her and Deeks had been over the moon, but yet still not married. That was the one fact that made Kensi frown every time. She had been dropping hints for at least 4 months now, and he still hadn't got it.

She knew that he must've been nervous to propose again after what had happened last time, but she was ready. Far past ready. Her and Deeks talked about this. She remembered the quiet conversation a couple months before she found out she was pregnant.

"_Deeks…" Kensi whispered as she laid her head on his chest._

"_Mmm huh princess?" He mumbled from tiredness. _

"_Look… I know you probably, obviously wouldn't want to again… But I want you to know. I'm ready, ok. Honestly, I am." Kensi whispered into his soft chest, squeezing her eyes shut in anticipation._

"_Okay, Kens." He whispered back._

That had been it. They hadn't talked about it since, not once. Kensi wiped the small tear from the corner of her eye when she realized why he hadn't. He didn't want too. That was why. Because of what she had done first time around, she messed it all up.

She shut her eyes, willing for the ache and the tears to leave her as she heard the rattle of keys outside the door. She quickly pulled herself together, stood up and waited for Deeks to enter.

"Hey, sweetcheeks. Hey baby." He shouted as he walked through the door. Kensi had been let off early from desk duty to come home and relax, which unlike her she was actually grateful for.

"Hey." She whispered as he entered the living room. He came up to her and pulled her into a kiss. As they separated he placed a carful hand over her swollen stomach.

"How have my two favorite girls been today?" He asked, sitting down on the couch and pulling Kensi down with him.

"Good, went to the store to get some shopping, got some clothes for this one. Then just been watching TV." Kensi smiled weakly at him. Deeks nodded in response, tilting his head slightly.

"What's up princess?" He asked gently, sweeping his finger over her cheek, Kensi leant into the soft touch sighing.

"Nothing… just been thinking that's all." Kensi smiled meekly. Deeks squinted at her. Sensing she wasn't ready to talk to him yet about whatever was bothering her, he nodded.

"Kay, got something for you actually." He said as he got off, walking through to the hall. Kensi sat up in attention, waiting for Deeks to return with the thing he was searching for. He walked back into the room with a pink gift bag in his hand. He walked bag to the couch, and flopped down, handing Kensi the gift bag.

"What's this?" Kensi asked, squinting at the bag.

"Well you just better open it and see." Deeks grinned back, nodding his head toward the bag, encouraging her to open it.

Kensi opened the top of the bag peering inside. A small smile spread across her face, as she retrieved the contents of the bag. She held a small pink onsie out in front of her, unfolding it and gasped.

The onsie had fancy white writing across the chest. It read 'Bridesmaid' Kensi whipped her head around to Deeks, her eyes wide in shock.

"Wh…what is this?" Kensi whispered, still staring in shock at the tiny onsie in front of her.

"Kens… I love you so much. I know this didn't work out first time, but I just know it's going to for the second time. I want to be with you and our little girl for the rest of our lives." He paused as he took out a ring from his jeans pocket, as Kensi gasped once again.

"Kensi Marie Blye, will you marry me?" Deeks asked nervously as he had the ring outstretched in her direction. His deep blue eyes searching her dark, mismatched ones intently. She nodded her head slowly.

"Of course, Marty. Of course I'll marry you!" She smiled as he slid the beautiful silver ring on her finger. The diamond in the middle sparkled in the dim light, as she took in it's beauty and hugged him tightly, minding her bump.

"Thank god." He chuckled nervously, kissing the side of her head.

"It's always yes…" She whispered into his neck, smiling contently.

**Xox**

"C'mon Kens! Push!" Deeks shouted, squeezing her hand as Kensi panted in the bed next to him.

"This is your fault!" Kensi screamed in agony as she near broke his hand.

"I know, I know Fern, just come on one more push and it's all over, you can kick my ass as much as you like!" Deeks encouraged back.

Kensi gave one last push and it was over. A loud wail filled the room as Kensi looked over with tears running down her face. Deeks still had her hand, bringing it up to his face to gently kiss it. The doctor took their baby across the room to be cleaned a weighed.

"We've done it Fern. Our little girls here." He grinned up to her. She smiled back down, as she leant in to kiss him.

"I love you." Kensi whispered.

"I love you too, princess, so much." Deeks whispered back, leaning up to kiss her on the lips as they waited to be greeted by their new daughter.

**Xox**

Hetty, Nell, Eric, Callen and Sam all walked down the sterilized corridor, trying to find Kensi's room. They had all heard their little girl had been born this morning at 8:19am, and they were all anxious to meet the new member of the team.

The team all reached room 756, as Hetty knocked on the door. They all heard a muffled 'Come in' as Hetty led the way into the new parents room. Inside, Kensi lay on the bed, half sat up with a pink bundle in her arms. Deeks, who was sat next to her on the bed, had a hand on the pink bundle, and the other one around the new mom.

"Hey guys." Deeks grinned up to the small crowd, all gathered around the bed.

"Hi. She's gorgeous!" Nell exclaimed, watching the beautiful baby explore her surroundings with her eyes.

"I know, just like her mom." Deeks grinned, kissing the side of Kensi's head as she blushed.

"Well then, Mr Deeks, Miss Blye, it seems like congratulations is in order." Hetty smiled at them.

"Thanks Hetty." Kensi smiled back, readjusting the baby in her arms.

'Well then? C'mon, were all dying to know!" Sam said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, c'mon guys we've got bets on what her name is." Callen grinned at the happy couple.

"Ok, ok. Kens, you wanna tell them?" Deeks asked his fiancée. She nodded, as she looked back up at everyone, smiling.

"Her name is Ella Miyah Deeks." Kensi grinned at them all as they all cooed over the new baby.

"S'a beautiful name Kens." Sam smiled at the younger agent.

Deeks and Kensi looked back up at them all and smiled.

"Lets hope she isn't as violent as her mom!" Deeks chuckled, soon followed by a yelp of pain as Kensi elbowed him in the ribs.

**Xox**

The wedding music started to play as Nell made her way down the aisle first, with little 1 year old Ella located in her arms. The beautiful baby turned out to look a lot like her mom, with her brown curly hair but with her dad sea blue eyes.

Kensi followed in sync as they reached the end. She wore a beautiful white lace dress, which complimented her skin tone just right. She had Callen and Sam on each arm as she grinned at her husband to be who was situated right at the end of the aisle.

Hetty, Kensi's mom and Eric all sat on the front row of the beautiful sea front deck. Deeks let a breath out as she reached the end of the aisle.

"Hey partner." He whispered, taken back by her appearance.

"Hey yourself." Kensi whispered back, smiling shyly at him.

The priest began the ceremony as the couple stared into each other's eyes, cancelling out the background sounds. Deeks had her hands safely tucked into his as he took in the beautiful sight of her dress and face.

"Do you Martin Deeks taken Kensi Marie Blye to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The priest asked. Deeks broke out of his trance to answer.

"I do." He almost whispered, smiling at Kensi.

"And do you, Kensi Marie Blye take Martin Deeks to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." She grinned back at him.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride!" The deck filled with cheers as Kensi and Deeks lent in for the most passionate kiss of their lives.

They then leant their foreheads together.

"You ready for this partner?" Kensi asked smiling genuinely at him

"When haven't I been?" Deeks grinned back, grabbing her hand and almost jogging back down the aisle to their awaiting family outside.

**Xox**

**Thank you all for reading! So here we are at the end. I might write a sequel somewhere down the line, but not too soon. I know this wasn't a great chapter but I just managed to squeeze this in between revising. Please, please, please review and tell me what you thought of it as a whole.**

**Also please leave me any requests of stories I could do in the future, it could be Densi, Tiva, Caskett, etc. And leave a plot if you want too!**

**Thanks again for reading!**

**X**


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